Tuesday, April 10, 2007

a question of faith





I consider myself a woman of faith. I couldn’t have gotten thru some of the rough patches in my life without a deep sense of faith – and like a lot of us I've had my share of tough times to get thru.

In fact the one time I almost didn’t make it through a period of severe adversity was when I’d completely lost my sense of faith. I found myself deep in a pit of despair where I held out no hope, no future was worth looking towards. Thankfully, by what I call sheer Grace, I managed to hold on. Slowly I regained my footing and life went on. It was different, but I came to accept that.

With acceptance of “what is” often comes a degree of peace. Not to mention surprisingly positive elements can sometimes be discovered during the most negative events of our lives. I don’t see that as a grand purpose for suffering, though, as if we had some lesson to learn that can only be taught through adversity. Rather, I attribute it to human nature and our innate ability to make sense out of the seemingly senseless. We search for meaning, for that which gives us consolation and comfort, and finding good amidst tragedy provides us with something to hold on to. We, most of us, manage to find hope and the strength to keep going.

All of this has reaffirmed my faith, but more importantly it also redefined my personal sense of that faith. I have come to disbelieve in the type of god/dess that literally controls my destiny, nor do I think the universe is sentient in the way we humans typically define it, therefore it is not capable of guiding or saving me. So what exactly do I have faith in now, from a spiritual point of view, and how does it sustain me?

For one thing, I have faith in myself in terms of my own mortal strength. Secondly, I have faith in the over all collective goodness of humanity. Lastly, I have faith in the natural universe beyond my singular life – the sun will rise tomorrow no matter what.

The faith I have in myself reminds me it is often within our power to change, to transform various difficulties beyond what we may realize at first. But even if something cannot be changed we can adapt and go on. Adaptation is miraculous and worthy of awe. Change happens. Maybe life will be harder, maybe it will really suck sometimes, but there is at least some semblance of contentment still to be had. And even the most meager crumb of happiness is enough to make life worthwhile in the face of the unknown alternative. Life is NOT cheap; it is precious, mysterious and wonder-full even at its bleakest.

But bleak is not the natural state of things! I have faith in the unlimited potential for good existent in humankind. (While "good & evil" are qualities ascribed by humans, they are useful descriptive devices for labeling the societal mores and preferences that are necessary for civilization as we know it). So, certainly there is malevolence to be found, but I have faith in the possibility of transcendence. And call me an optimist but I do believe that light can overcome darkness and that what we define as good can always triumph over what we deem evil. We humans possess remarkable powers to change much of what plagues our species. Our baser qualities can be transcended, transformed. Hate, fear, anger, ignorance, all can be unlearned and replaced with love, hope, kindness and understanding. Mind you, utopian ideals are not something I espouse or aspire to here! I just hold the thought that the scales can be tipped for the greater good. This belief gives me hope. We can all make a difference; even the smallest acts of compassion or altruism are worthwhile and can have farther-reaching effects than is imaginable. It is not egocentric to act as if your life matters to others if it causes you to strive for society’s greater good. Every life has intrinsic value and can make an impact.

I have faith that the world won’t end tomorrow. That sounds trite or silly, but really what it means to me is that the universe in all its flux & flow, in all its evolution, will be here when I wake up in the morning, and at least in some capacity beyond my lifespan. My daily trials and triumphs, however huge they are to me, make not even a microscopic dent in the complex system that is our entire cosmos. Rather than make me feel insignificant or contradict my belief that every life matters, it instead gives me comfort to be a part of something so impressively vast. There is something bigger than me – in effect, everything is bigger than me. There’s plenty of room for anything under the sun and most of it is a lot more important than my individual desires or disappointments.

But as the universe is so big and faith is an individual thing we tend to have need of a personal relationship with it. I name the central focus of my faith, referring to Her as Goddess. Aside from the empowering gender implications, this is a metaphor for that which I cannot possibly fully describe. She is the quantum thread that connects my inner, deeper self to the divine in others and to the natural world of which we are all a part. This thread is woven into a sacred tapestry, an elegant theory of Everything-ness. Whether metaphorical Universal Mother, archetype of Self, or Gaia as Sacred Home, I find comfort and poetic truth in Her expression as my holy touchstone.

It is not that I have faith in Her, but that my faith is Her.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very cool, I like how it's more "real" than pagan or other goddess stuff usually is.

I'll keep checking back!

Kayleigh said...

Thank you, and I hope you do!